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Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. I intend to live forever. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. Im amusing and make the people around me happy. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? I didnt want to interrupt her. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. It just plain forms. 9. 24. If youre just starting your affirmation journey, you might feel skeptical at first. Flip Wilson Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. I see the funny side of life more and more. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. 199. Funny positive affirmations do work. 137. "It's only WednesdayHang in there!". 206. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. 252. The following is the list of some humorous affirmations for you: I am doing all the amazing things because I am an amazing human being. You never run out of things that can go wrong. Superwoman: single. I see food, and I eat it. 100. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. 3. 2. 122. 134. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Is it perfect? I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. I am constantly growing and improving. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. We'll get to that later. I am on a seafood diet. 1. 9. Exercise? We need to hear a pin drop. 125. 121. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Steven Alexander Wright Nothing, they just waved. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. 118. The library, because it has so many stories. 220. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. Albert King Positive mindset affirmations. 126. 216. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. 154. 30. 276. Those who snore always fall asleep first. 279. I am not letting an episode of my life ruin the entire show. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. Bill Murray Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. 92. And, it doesnt have to be hard or complicated! 33. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. They are a powerful tool you can use to change your attitude, your perspective on life and shift from a negative to a positive mindset. 119. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Short Funny Quotes. George Burns, 253. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. 1. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Life is filled with highs and lows, stress and anxiety, so sometimes some funny and positive words will help you lighten up on an encouraging note. 243. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt. 27. I dont care! Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. But it'll move up again.". In the morning, I cant get up. 114. Nobody gets out alive anyway. 264. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. 200. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Bill Murray, 260. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. You try again, but no sound is coming out. Here are some tips on how to make the most of using these humorous affirmations: Laughter and affirmations are already powerful separately, so imagine what they can do for you when combined. If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. 100. What do I do for a living? Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. I am on a seafood diet. No matter what I look like. 164. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. 26. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. 83. Enjoy! 82. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. You might undoubtedly relate with them, and yet you will not feel laid back because of your weaknesses. 'Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.'. It takes so little to change your life! Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. East. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. 97. 232. 109. 236. 279. Snowballs. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. Sometimes the M is silent. 107. Czech proverb Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. 1. 106. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? 182. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. People who talk behind my back are getting a great view. Love your enemies. Alright, get in the basket. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. 30. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. Your habits become your values. My body deserves healthy food and exercise, not junk food or laziness. 146. It just plain forms. 90. 5. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. 124. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. They log in. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. You can only be young once. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. 120. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. Steven Wright 104. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. It gets toad away. HAM AND EGGS A days work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. Benjamin Franklin Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. Oh sheet!. Best friends eat your food. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. Why is England the wettest country? The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. Theres no stopping me now. 94. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. "Your mistakes don't define you.". Why was six scared of seven? 155. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. 271. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. 161. 59. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. 80. 22. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. Once you're feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. Im still gonna do dumb stuff, only slower., See also: 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 8. Your email address will not be published. 172. 85. I train my body. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. It is already tomorrow in Australia.". My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Its called tomorrow. Paul Ehrlich How do trees access the internet? To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. 197. I enjoy every minute of it. Honolulu, its got everything. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? 1. By waking up and repeating this mantra, you will set the tone for the day. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. 134. In the morning, I cant get up. 228. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? - F. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. 168. 8. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. 25. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. 3. 61. ~ Bill Gates. I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. "Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.". 7. Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. I am full of vitality. I might take a nap if I get tired, but I wont quit. Stay focused and consistent, and youll start noticing the healing powers of humor and fun. 187. 249. 'If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.'. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. 267. These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. Raimonda.B. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. So, here's our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace: Image Source: Unsplash. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. Not everyone has good taste. 1. Alison Boulter. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. 123. 237. Unknown. I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. Ive got three bones. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. You can use affirmations to alleviate pressure in highly stressful scenarios, like taking an exam or going to a job interview. I stick to things until I get to my destination. 209. I intend to live forever. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. 218. Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. Life is always easier with some humor, smiles, laughter and fun. 73. Frances McDormand But even if this does happen, who cares? People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. 146. 81. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. 6. Because he was always spotted. 269. 211. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. I breathe in and out. Some when they enter, others when they leave., 2. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. 4. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. Funny affirmation quotes funny quotes about affirmation. - Roy T. Bennett. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield., 10. 152. Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. Czech proverb, 261. I have a lot to offer. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. Today I was a hero. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. 183. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Bill Murray. What we say not only affects our lives but also has an impact on those around us. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. Why cant you trust an atom? Please do your own research before making any online purchase. Why did the school kids eat their homework? What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. 1. 229. 1. I release all shame about my body. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. 47. 240. 212. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. If only common sense were more common. 193. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. 65. Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. You can also share them with your co-workers to put a smile on their faces. 239. Milton Berle, 245. No No NOYes. These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.