Too the grievance of his mother he moved a few states over. A: He caught a gold. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. The Japanese opened a little silver box and out flew a little fly. "I don't think I can keep doing this for much longer," he tells his buddy at the bar. best joke ever. Edit 4: Wow this really blew up! Click here for more information. Edit 2: Thanks for the gold! The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.' My world’s on fire. What's so special about them?" Love, your dad", He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round. What’s better than winning gold at the Paralympics? A: He heard that gold is found in ores. In the shape of an “L” on her forehead, Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming I had to quit because whenever I put my mining hat on I felt light-headed. Q: Why did the little boy take his pet to the appraiser? A man gets home one day from work and excitedly shows off to his wife that he bought a pack of *Olympic Condoms*. Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The emperor was impressed. 89 of them, in fact! I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden. A: In the dictionary. A Man is stopped by an Old Woman who was holding out seeds and says "take these seeds and you will be on your way to success.". Professor: Good. Wanting sex so badly, Joe thinks for a m, He's approached by a blacksmith who says, "I'll take it. A: Because only diamonds are a girls best friend. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. ", The first daughter says, "Dad, I want to marry a Yukon Gold!" CTRL + SPACE for auto-complete. A lyft. Bronze - Mexico. There is an abundance of lait jokes out there. I said AU, bring that over here! The man ponders for a while and says " ok I got it" . " A: Gold-ilocks. Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, “AU, get outta here!”, why do men sag there pants so low and still wear a belt, the same reason women bring their purse on a date and don’t pay, the gold coast titans winning the nrl. He walks up to the bartender and asks, "I don't suppose you have any women? A: He hired-a-glyphics. The second daughter says, "Dad, I want to marry a russet." Gold Jokes. A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas. Her neighbor Mr. Johnson peeks over the fence and says, "Gee Susie, what's going on? Ha! They're good at mining their own business. He soon writes home to his father. Edit1: a typo ", and lands into bottles of vodka at the bottom. " - Gold, obviously!" "Well, how can you call yourself mafioso if you don't. A: AU, get out of here! But he could be your father!" And will you please tell us why not? Trump's China Problem Trump says to Pence, "China's mining too many ores" Pence: What are you going to do? Didn’t make sense not to live for fun Michael Phelps, a saddle, and stick with a gold medal on the end. She simply responds, “Oh, yes,” they assured him. Judging by the hole in the satellite picture. A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. "Well, how can you. On top there is an office. And all that glitters is gold After three months of extensive investigation they concluded that rabbits do not exist. 'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.' He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. ", All I said was that I'm in love with a miner, The miners are carrying iron ore and the American soldier is carrying bombs to a special facility. But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners. Guess I should've known when the seller said no strings attached. He bought it, and told his wife about it. A: Golden retreivers. "Mike the mailman? ", And the bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.”. "But mom, age is just a number." Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place. Bill answers: "oh wow, a talking fish! The bartender says, "what can I get you officer?". It'd be great if you came second, for a change. the gold coast titans winning the nrl. and indicates towards a man sitting in the corner in a wheelchair. He wants to pay but the barber says it is free of charge for a man of faith. "WAIT! Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Edit 3: Thanks for the platinum! He's just a common-tater!". DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. Whether you’re looking for gold jokes for science class or for someone who loves jewelry, you’re sure to get some laughs with this collection. Q: Why did the poor law student switch majors? Go and get yourself a train too. So one day when he hit that magical age of 21 he packed up all of his things and left his parents house. The conductor still panicked says, “okay, we’re close but there is still too much weight!”, A man gets onto a city bus and sees an attractive nun. Q: Why did they build a castle for the pile of gold? So I was working in a mine out west when one of my partners found gold. So what’s wrong with taking the back streets? A: She thought that catching enough gold finches would make her rich. After some time she noticed some pigs wandering around and they asked to move in for a week or two, they promised the sheep that during those two weeks they'll help her build a small cottage she wanted right next to her house. ', A man is sitting in a cafe when suddenly someone he knows comes running to him in panic shouting "Quick, your wife is cheating on you with your best friend in the forest". I thought American politicians were rather fond of minors. Desperate for work, Paul decides to accept a job offer mining deep in Alaska. I have internalized gilt. The second one says "Thats nothing, I sew a guys legs back to his torso and did it so well that he still was able to win gold in the olympics". Suddenly his fishing pole starts to jiggle, he quickly pulls it and see a gold fish hanging on it's edge. #1 for Parents and Teachers! the boyfriend asks. Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Everyone got out, it was just a miner inconvenience. Q: Why was the mummy home from school? A: Shamrock, Q: Which fairy tale character is worth the most? That's amazing! A man was on trial for trying to sell fake bars of gold. Q: Why did the leprechaun cross the road? Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas The first one went down yelling “gold!” and landed in a pot of gold. Please don’t steel the joke I’m probably just digging my own grave with this joke . its a joke folks. They talk about their lifestyles and Italian asks "Hey, do you have newest model of Mercedes?" But I am a fool, for upon closer inspection I discovered it was pyrite. I said Au, bring that over here! "The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. Comedy Gold Jokes. as she slides down. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running ", and finding himself in a pile of gold as he reaches the bottom. The minister gave a lesson entitled, 'If yo. Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop. A: Because it’s all in a pot at the end of the rainbow! I was so excited that I ran inside to tell my wife. The Priest said: i'm going to draw a square on the ground and throw the pot high in the air. " - And what color are you going to wear tonight?" but the bartender wouldn't serve them. They are transferring the three groups over in three boats. He tells the miners this and they all agree to throw three sacks full of each's cargo. The third daughter then says "Dad, I want to marry Bill Maher!" "Whom, sweetheart?" I liked them so much better when they were underground. They include Gold puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze. The Best jokes about Gold. Wife: Which one are you gonna wear tonight? I haven't had sex in months...", He says to the bartender, "Give me a stiff shot and a fast woman. Golden toilets? And all that glitters is gold But then I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden. Fun Kids Jokes List of the Best Saint Patrick’s Day Jokes for Kids and Families. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Then the rich man asks him, “So what are you getting your wife this year?” The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, “A gold necklace and a dildo.”, The rich man asks, “Why those two things?” The sex addict astutely reponds, “This way, if she doesn’t like the jewelry she can go f… herself.”, i was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. A: Because gold reacts with potassium. because they practice at the best schools. During the transfer, the boat with the guides capsizes, followed by the soldiers, but the miners cross safely. Student: No 'OK then, 2 minutes.'. A boyfriend buys Olympic colored condoms, and tells his girlfriend it's because there are 3 colors Gold, Silver and Bronze. And we could all use a little change. It's for a music school that can teach anyone to play any insturment, guaranteed. Show him a row of shovels and tell him to take his pick. Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me Wife: Why don't you wear the silver one, it would be nice if you came second for a change. They both slowly remove clogs. He returns home and tells his wife, "Honey I bought Olympic condoms for us tonight!" A: Gold’s Gym. Q: What did the gold collector bake for dessert? … He left, and came back a moment later with young boy who was accused of shoplifting. Haw!....ah, never mind. The old man replied, 'It's fart football. Ha! Admits Russian. Q: Why did the gold yell at the banana? Bill answers: "Oh alright... what do you want? But the meteor men beg to differ **Guy who came up with "Newfoundland":** Unobtain...ium? God tells them that he will give them cars to drive into heaven, but first they have to tell him how many times they cheated on their wives, and they shouldn't bother lying because he has a big record book of every person's actions. Bitcoin is gold. Plus you’ll get a fun bonus – Halloween Lunch Box Jokes Printable (30+ Days of Jokes). Aroused, he wishes to have sex with her, he goes up and asks, "Will you have sex with me? A: A Potty Gold. It was a miner success. An Australian man comes to Oregon during the great gold rush knowing of a location where tons of gold has yet to be discovered. One day, a teacher starts teaching her class the alphabet. They include Gold jokes for adults, dirty ore jokes or clean jewelry gags for kids. ", Apparently they have a patent on expensive stuff for arseholes. How did Voldemort lose his nose? Husband: The gold one of course! An old rich man is nearing the end of his life. Which is weird. Someone needs to jump off, or we’re going to crash!” The Welshman bravely steps up, “For the glory of wales!” And the Welshman throws himself off. It's a beautiful road. He goes to a brothel and asks for the finest broad there. Because the country it's in is called *Au*stralia. A: Gold karats. [edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him. Gets inside the house and sees his fathers shoes. So much to do, so much to see He didn't get the gold but he got the silver back. There’s a grocery store, with a giant sign first thing in the doors that says “no broccoli”. 0. Yeah, in most states it’s illegal to have sex with a miner. The billionaire pledged to donate all of his money. Q: Why did the little girl want to go bird catching? By using this site, you agree to its use of cookies.